


Even The Blind Will See

by raelee514



Series: Possession [1]
Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Bisexual Jimmy, Bottom Thomas, M/M, Matchmaking, Porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-31
Updated: 2016-12-31
Packaged: 2018-09-13 13:30:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9125755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raelee514/pseuds/raelee514
Summary: After catching Thomas in a compromising position with the Duke of Crowborough.  Jimmy finds himself questioning and fantasizing.orThe Duke of Crowborough ships it.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So this just sort of happened... started writing and it wouldn't stop. Rusty on the porn writing skills, so this maybe was an exercise starting to dust them off.

Jimmy froze in place and his breath caught in his throat. His mouth opened but he made no sound. Three feet ahead of him Thomas was pushed against a wall, with the Duke of Crowborough holding him place. The Duke’s hands were on his waist and Thomas’s were on the other man’s neck. They were kissing in a way Jimmy had never seen anyone kiss. 

They broke apart and Thomas whimpered in a way made Jimmy’s heart stutter in his chest. He licked his lips and watched the Duke lean and kiss Thomas’ neck. Thomas titled his head back and eyes were closed. Jimmy thought he looked beautiful. It hurt to look at it. 

The Duke’s mouth made it way back to Thomas’ and they kissed deeply again and broke apart both breathing harshly and Jimmy stepped forward without thought. The Duke put his hand on the back of Thomas’s neck and nipped at his lips a few times. 

“Thomas, come to my room.” It wasn’t a question. 

“Philip….”

Jimmy clenched his jaw and his hands started to turn to fists. 

“Thomas… I’m here, we’re here.”

“I…”

“You want me, Thomas…” Jimmy watched the Duke move his hand down toward Thomas’s and placed his palm against his clothed thighs. Thomas groaned at the touch his hips bucking forward.

“I have to get back…” Thomas groaned. “I will. I will but later. I have to be on duty….”

“On duty, hard for me,” the Duke whispered. 

“Fuck you, Philip,” Thomas said and he moved forward and Jimmy watched Thomas palm land on the Duke’s thigh. “We’re both there.”

Jimmy felt sweaty but he watched them kiss again. His eyes focused on Thomas’s face because it was like he’d never seen him before. He looked exquisite and Jimmy wanted to be the one…

He heard a voice.

“Where the hell is Mr. Barrow?” he heard Carson shout at someone.

“I don’t know sir, I think I saw him go down the back hall.”

“Here?” Carson said. 

“Yes, sir,” the hall boy said.

“Thomas, Thomas…” Jimmy shouted stepping forward. Too soon for either Thomas or the Duke to straighten their clothes. Jimmy looked behind him and quickly rushed forward and yanked at Thomas’ livery while at the same time pulling out a cigarette and pushing him and Thomas toward the nearby back door. 

“Why weren’t you outside,” Jimmy hissed as they stepped into the night air. He handed Thomas the cigarette and then lit it with Thomas’ liter. Thomas quickly gave him another cigarette and Jimmy lit it. 

Thomas was looking past him into the hall. 

“He can take care of himself,” Jimmy said, snappier than he meant too.

“Mr. Barrow…” Carson was right there and he scowled. “Now is not the time for a cigarette break. For either of you, get back to work… we are entertaining!”

“Yes, of course, Mr. Carson,” Thomas said. “Come on, James.” 

Their eyes met then and Thomas expression looked equal parts shocked and thankful. Jimmy wondered what his own eyes revealed to Thomas because he felt… 

Too many things. 

They walked down the hall a ways in silence. As they reached the stairwell to walk up and into the party that the Grantham’s were holding. Thomas stopped. “Uh… Jimmy.”

“What?” he said and again he sounded madder than he intended.

Thomas stared at him. “How…”

“I saw enough,” Jimmy lied. He saw too much. No he hadn’t seen near enough. 

“Thank you,” he said.

Jimmy blinked. “For?”

“Making sure Carson didn’t catch us.”

“Oh.”

“Thank you.”

“That was nothing, Thomas.”

“It’s everything,” Thomas said.

“So are you going to go to his room?” Jimmy heard himself ask. 

Thomas blushed. 

Jimmy felt taken aback. “So, uh, yes then.”

Thomas swallowed and looked around. “I… We need to get back.”

“Right, right,” Jimmy nodded. 

One minute later they both walked into the party and went about their separate duties. About fifteen minutes after that as Jimmy was walking back into the crowd of guests with a drink tray. He found himself face to face with the Duke of Crowborough. 

“What is your name.” The Duke didn’t ask. 

“James…. Your Grace,” he remembered to add in time. It was hard to focus as he had flashes to how Thomas had looked while the Duke kissed his neck. 

“James. Well, James. I must say, thank you,” he winked and took a drink off the tray. 

Jimmy let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. 

Thomas caught his eye then and Jimmy met his gaze. He wasn’t sure what the question in Thomas’ expression was. It looked a bit like worry and Jimmy supposed that was a natural reaction. He winked at Thomas, he wanted Thomas to think things were fine, normal and their status quo…

They were fine. Jimmy was just… Shocked. Everything he felt was just shock. And there were a lot of reasons to be shocked. Men kissing, men touching each other, men talking about sex. The mention of a past and the fact that man kissing and touching Thomas was a Duke. 

Jimmy turned to offer a guest to take a drink off is tray and caught sight of Thomas walking through the crowd. He found his eyes going to Thomas neck, feeling disappointed when all he saw was the high collar of his shirt. He remembered the pale skin become pink as the Duke kissed the length of it. 

He couldn’t get the image out of his mind. Jimmy walked into Lady Mary. He instantly stood straighter. “M’Lady I apologize.”

“It’s a crowded room,” Lady Mary said. “There was no harm done.”

He looked at his empty try and realized that was the only reason. “I apologize again,” he said before quickly heading back down to the kitchen. He put down the tray on the counter and walked into the servants hall and sat down. 

He pictured Thomas, head tilted back, eyes closed and mouth slightly open. Caught up in pleasure as a man kissed his neck. Jimmy kissed his neck, Jimmy touched Thomas’ chest. Jimmy put his hand behind Thomas neck and leaned up to kiss him. 

“Jimmy?” 

He startled out of his thoughts and found Thomas standing over him. He felt his cheeks flame and he sat up straighter in his seat. “Thomas…”

“Jimmy are you alright?” Thomas looked worried. 

“What? Right as rain, really, what is it?”

Thomas glanced around them but they seemed to be alone. “I should tell you about Phil… The Duke.”

“Philip?” Jimmy shook his head but found himself smiling, then a little irritated. “All that talk from me about Lady Anstruther and you never mentioned you and the Duke of Crowborough…”

“He’s the Duke of Crowborough… I couldn’t go around telling tales of him being…. Like me.”

“Right, right… but your secrets are safe with me, Thomas.”

Thomas’s lips quirked upward in that way they did when he was trying not to smile. Jimmy found himself wishing more and more Thomas would smile fully — he’d like to see it. 

“I don’t believe I can trust him,” Thomas said.

“No?”

“No…”

Jimmy sighed. 

“Not that I trust anyone….well, you.”

Jimmy nodded. He knew that, he knew that… “But?”

“It’s a few days… it’s not,” Thomas started to laugh. “A swallow doesn’t make a summer.”

Jimmy mind went to places he didn’t know it could suddenly. Thomas on his knees, hands on a man thighs — looking up at him, gray eyes spied through eyelashes. He swallowed and rubbing his hand under his collar.

“You look flushed,” Thomas said and put his hand Jimmy’s forehead. “Warm. Are you sure you feel okay?”

Thomas’s palm felt like fire against his skin, he thought about where it’d been earlier and he closed his eyes for a second, trying to catch his breath and stop thinking about Thomas being with men. 

_You._

“Uh. Yeah, I think it’s all the upstairs, downstairs of the day. Party is almost over.”

Thomas pulled out his watch. “Yes, I should get back up there. You should as well.”

Jimmy grinned. “Yes, Mr. Barrow.”

“James,” Thomas smirked at him and turned around.

Jimmy realized he hadn’t learned a thing about Thomas and the Duke. Worst of all he realized Thomas was going to go to the other man’s room. His jaw clenched at the thought. 

~~~

“Where is Mr. Barrow?”

Jimmy looked up from where he was collecting glasses onto a tray. It was the next morning and he hadn’t seen Thomas. Mr. Carson was walking toward him. “James have you seen Mr. Barrow?”

“Not today, no.”

“I’m right here,” Thomas appeared and Jimmy glanced over at him. He looked. Normal. Immaculate and handsome in his under butler livery. Jimmy was struck hard by the handsome and the idea that it really wasn’t the first time he thought that. Not at all. He just never questioned it, it was just a thought and not something he dwelled on. 

“Very well… please find all the decanters and return them to my office.”

Thomas’ features briefly shifted into irritation before covered it. “Decanters?” 

“I haven’t the time and I do not leave the wine to footmen,” Mr. Carson gave James a look before walking out of the room.

Thomas had an odd expression on his face. 

“What?”

“He’s trusting me with the wine…” he shook his head. “It’s the title not me.”

“You are the under butler.”

“So, I do what the butler does when he cannot,” Thomas nodded but Jimmy was almost sure he saw a flash of disappointment. 

“Did you have a good night?” Jimmy heard himself ask out loud, he’d only meant to think it. To wonder. He really didn’t want to know.

A pink flush appeared on Thomas’ cheeks, a stark contrast on his pale skin. “I did, Jimmy. I did.”

_I didn’t want to know._

“You don’t want to hear about it,” Thomas said, his voice distant. 

“I…” Jimmy wanted to argue that because why wouldn’t he want too? He told Thomas things about women all the time. All the time. 

“It’s okay, Jimmy,” Thomas said in that way he had when he was pretending not to be hurt. 

“Thomas…” Jimmy called out after his friends retreating form. 

“James, aren’t you to be cleaning up?” Mrs. Hughes appeared behind him and he jumped. 

“Yes, yes Mrs. Hughes.”

~~~

James walked into the library to wind the clock and found Lady Mary and The Duke in conversation. “I apologize M’lady, I came to wind the clock.”

“Please, do go ahead, James,” Lady Mary said. 

James nodded and walked by the two of them and he felt the Duke’s eyes on him. 

“As, I was saying… I do owe you an apology for my behavior the last time we met.”

“What was it again.. It’s been so long, I’m sure an apology is unnecessary.”

“No, no it is…. I got you in trouble by having us sneak up to spy in the servants attic. And then, I left rather rudely.”

“It was the entail wasn’t it?”

The Duke laughed. “It was… afraid I was rather the gold digger.”

Jimmy opened the clock, it was the trickiest of the clocks in the house. More than once he had to call in Thomas. Though he often thought he just didn’t have the touch when it came to winding. At least the way Thomas talked about clocks — it was all rather poetic. 

“Though what was the trip to attics about?”

“Oh, that might shock you, Mary.” 

“Oh, do then… I so like a good shock.”

Jimmy held his breathe.

“I’m afraid I cannot. A man must have his secrets.”

“You’re a tease, Philip.”

“That I am.”

Jimmy fearing what the Duke might say, pushed the clock to far and there was loud clang. He jumped at it startled and Lady Mary and the Duke both turned. “Bloody…” Jimmy muttered under his breath and cringed. 

“James?”

“Sorry M’lady. I’ll get Mr. Barrow, I’m sure he can fix it.”

“Accidents happen but I’m sure you’re right. Our Barrow is quite good with clocks,” she said to Duke.

“Tho… Mr. Barrow is? Really?” 

Jimmy walked past them, glancing at Lady Mary, wondering if she caught the slip. 

“Apparently his father owns a clock shop.”

“Really?” the Duke said again as Jimmy left the room. Jimmy didn’t like how sincere it sounded. “Well, then, I think I’d like to stay and watch him fix the clock.”

“I suppose it could be interesting,” Lady Mary said. 

Jimmy frowned and headed downstairs. He blamed the Duke for him breaking the clock. But he couldn’t help but wonder what the story was with the attics. He hadn’t wanted the Duke to say anything that could hurt Thomas. But he was curious, Thomas had to be the reason he’d gone to the servants attic. 

“James shouldn’t you be winding clocks,” Mr. Carson asked. 

“Yes, Mr. Carson. The one in the library has broken, I’m looking for Mr. Barrow.”

“Broken!”

“Yes, sir.”

Mr. Carson studied him. “Very well, find Mr. Barrow and be hopeful he can fix it. Any other repairs will come out of your wages.”

Jimmy schooled his features but he fumed. It wasn’t his fault, he wasn’t his fault at all it was that damn Duke. He poked his head into the servants hall and saw no one but Anna and Baxter. “Anyone seen Tho… Mr. Barrow?” 

“I think he went outside to smoke,” Anna said. 

Jimmy nodded and headed for the door. He stepped outside and noticed it was snowing, rather heavily. He was instantly cold but he saw some footprints in the snow and followed them. Thomas was standing under a tree, where the flakes were caught in the branches instead of making it to the ground. He was mid inhale when he spotted Jimmy and his lips quirked up. Jimmy grinned back. It was an easy, familiar exchange.

“Shouldn’t you be winding the clocks.”

“About that…”

Smoke billowed out of Thomas mouth as he sighed. “What did you do now?”

“It’s the clock in the library.”

Thomas shook his head. “Temperamental that one…”

“Yes. It made a rather loud clang.”

Thomas made a face. “Very well,” he said and dropped his cigarette. “Let’s see what I can do.”

Jimmy nodded. “You should know… Lady Mary and Duke are in the library.”

Thomas glanced over at him. “Are they?”

“When it was mentioned you fix clocks, he was very interested.”

Thomas chuckled. “What are they doing in there?”

“He was apologizing to her.”

“Was he? Huh,” Thomas said. “For what exactly?”

“Being after her money,” Jimmy couldn’t help a laugh at that.

Thomas laughed too. 

“And something about the servants quarters.”

Thomas paused there. “What about it?”

“Apologizing for getting her in trouble for it, really. What did he do exactly?”

“He went to my room.”

“Why?”

“Love letters,” Thomas said lowly before continuing up the stairs. 

“Love letters,” Jimmy nearly shouted it and he covered his mouth.

Thomas stared at him. 

“Sorry, sorry.”

Thomas gave him an odd look and then continued up the stairs. Soon enough, too soon for James liking, they were in the library. ‘M’lady, your Grace,” he said politely.

“I was telling, his Grace how you are our regular clock expert. Though, I’m afraid I had very little information to share and he is still quite curious.”

 _I bet he is_ , Jimmy thought. 

“It’s not that impressive. Just grew up with clocks. Rather like clocks.” Thomas opened the glass, then opened up the face of the clock to look at the inner workings. “Jimmy…” he motioned Jimmy over. 

“Okay, what did I do?” This wasn’t a new conversation, though it’d gotten more and more casual as their friendship grew.

“Well, as usual you wound it too tight.”

“I guessed that but it doesn’t usually clang.”

“Well you broke the wire this time — from the constant over winding.”

“Blimey, Thomas Carson’s gonna take that out of my wages.”

“No he’s not,” Thomas rolled his eyes. “I can fix it, I have some parts in my room… and then maybe we can have another lesson winding this clock.”

“Thomas, I just can’t wind clocks.”

“Well the temperamental ones anyway… this one always been on the cranky side.”

Jimmy made a face.

Thomas laughed.

“Shut up. They aren’t real.”

Thomas just grinned. “Go wind the rest. Correctly. I’ll get the parts I need from my room. Come back when you’ve finished the others.”

Jimmy nodded. “This lesson won’t stick.”

“But we must try, Jimmy.”

“Yes, Thomas.”

“You two better not let Carson hear the lack informality,” Mary laughed.

Both Jimmy and Thomas froze. They both forgot their audience because they’d fallen into a routine and their friendship was what it was. While Thomas was always making sure everyone else called him Mr. Barrow, was really the opposite with Jimmy. And Jimmy always felt relief, Thomas called him by his chosen name rather than the James that been forced upon him by Carson. 

“Quite a show,” The Duke said. 

Thomas looked at him then and Jimmy glanced toward the other man as well. The Duke was staring at them, Thomas mostly but Jimmy felt like he was included in the gaze. “It will be fixable then? James needn’t worry about lost wages?”

“It is.”

“And clocks are real?” the Duke asked Thomas.

“They all have their own quirks,” Thomas said with the slight grin he always wore when discussing clocks.

“How interesting…” the Duke stepped forward. “I want to hear more.”

“It’s not all that interesting, your Grace.”

“It is, to me, I mean it Thomas…” The Duke’s eyes widened when he realized what he said, he glanced at Mary. 

Thomas’ cheeks had flushed and Jimmy wasn’t sure where to look. 

“All sorts of intrigue that would give Carson and his Lordship heart attacks,” Mary said with a shake of her head. “Well, we must find Mr. Branson, Tom said you wished to see the farms?”

“Yes, I am interested in the business of the estate. We’re all in similar financial troubles aren’t we?” The Duke said and the two of them left Thomas and Jimmy alone in the library. 

~~~

Thomas walked back into the library, carrying a small bucket full of miscellaneous clock parts. He was fairly sure he could fix the clock, it was rather simple break of one wire. Though as a whole they were a collection of cogs and wheels and wires. It always fascinated how the machines could track the time of the days. The moving parts involved somehow precisely measuring time. 

He set to work and tried not think about Philip. Or Jimmy. Or worry about Lady Mary. He was quite taken aback by Philips break in decorum. Speaking to him like that in front of Mary Crawley. It almost shocked him into a heart attack, let alone Carson or Lord Grantham. 

Granted behind closed doors Philip had hated the formalities. He thought given what they were doing it was ridiculous to not be on a first name basis. The balance of power was always clear, though, even there. But Philip speaking that way out of turn… 

Maybe it was his and Jimmy’s fault. They’d forgotten their audience as they fell into a rhythm of Thomas scolding Jimmy about his lack of finesse with clocks and Jimmy teasing him for thinking they were living things. Soppy and poetic Jimmy had accused him once but with a friendly grin. 

Thomas liked that grin. 

“Thomas?”

Thomas stilled and stepped back from the clock. Philip came up right behind him, their bodies touching. Philip grabbed his shoulder and pushed until Thomas turned so they facing, still so close. Thomas swallowed as anxiety flooded him, he glanced around at all entrance points. “Your Grace…”

“Philip,” he whispered into Thomas’ ear. “We have time.”

“What?”

“Mary is quite open minded.”

“She is not… bored maybe.”

“Maybe but let’s take advantage.”

“We… I shouldn’t…”

“Thomas,” Philip spoke softly before he kissed him. 

Thomas’ eyes slid closed, his hands rose to Philip’s neck. Philip tugged him closer and deepened the kiss with his tongue. Thomas sighed into it and gave over — just a for moment — of being held in strong arms. They broke apart, their breathing loud to Thomas’ ears. “Someone might…”

“Just your friend, Thomas… and he won’t spill our secrets will he?” Philip kissed his jawline. 

Thomas lips quirked at the mention of Jimmy. “I trust him.”

“Trust?” Philip laughed. “That’s a big word.” He kissed Thomas firmly on his mouth. 

Thomas moaned into it, it’d been so long. Even after last night, it still felt like so long. He pulled Philip closer, they couldn’t do more than this, they couldn’t even continue this much longer. Philip broke away, kissing his jaw again, pushing down at his collar to mouth along his neck. 

“Thomas…I missed this,” Philip whispered. 

Thomas found his hands in Philips hair. 

“Let me stay,” Philip whispered before kissing him again. 

“Stay?” Thomas asked, lips feeling bruised moments later.

“For the clock lesson,” Philip said with an expression in his eyes that startled Thomas. 

“I… of course.” 

Philip smiled and kissed him again. 

Thomas felt like he as getting drunk. 

“Are you BLOODY kidding me.” 

Thomas went to jump apart but Philip held onto him and just stepped back a few steps. Thomas met Jimmy’s expression and it was stormy and something he hadn’t seen from Jimmy in well over year. 

“I know it’s quite shocking isn’t it,” Philip said. 

Jimmy glared at Philip. “Do you want to get him fired?”

“Of course not, it’d never come to that… Mary was quite sure we wouldn’t be interrupted. Except by you of course.”

“Lady Mary Crawley?” Jimmy exclaimed. 

“Jimmy,” Thomas grabbed his friends attention. “It’s quite all right, all right?”

Jimmy held his gaze, then glanced at Philip. “Fine.”

“Okay… now let me fix the clock and give Jimmy his lesson.”

“I would like one too,” Philip said. 

Thomas looked at him and smirked. “Very well, after Jimmy’s.”

“Of course.”

~~~

Thomas leaned against Jimmy’s back and pushed away the thoughts of the first time he did this. His hands had been all over Jimmy, he barely knew him then but he was beautiful. Thomas hadn’t been able to help himself and Jimmy seemed so unfazed about it and it spurred him in. Guilt wracked him still when he thought about untoward he’d been. 

Lonely.

But he was used to that and it shouldn’t have been an excuse. Of course now they were friends and Jimmy never pulled away when Thomas touched him. Jimmy touched Thomas himself. It was casual and friendly, and for the most part it didn’t have the longing in it that Thomas put into all their touches before their friendship. 

Thomas inhaled and smelled Jimmy and forced himself not to take a deeper breath of it. For the most part there was no longing. He reached over Jimmy’s shoulder, pointing at the piece of the inner workings he fixed. Feeling an odd pressure by both Jimmy and Philip watching his every move. “You see how it all works together?”

“Yeah, I do…”

“Do you see why it’s a bad idea to wind it too tight?”

“I do.”

“Good. Close that up.”

Jimmy shut the door that hid the cogs and wheels of the clock. He moved the winding key up in place. Thomas grabbed his hand and guided it. For a moment he thought Jimmy moved his body back, brushing against his, but that was unlikely. Jimmy started to wind the clock, Thomas was just around for the ride, to point out the point of no return. “There?” Jimmy asked suddenly. 

“Yes, there… if you can do it why don’t you?”

“It’s easier with you here,” Jimmy muttered. 

“Maybe you break them on purpose,” Philip interjected. 

Thomas laughed but Jimmy was staring at the Duke. His expressions unreadable. Thomas was worried he was seeing too much, seeing what it was men did together — it had to be a shock. Jimmy wasn’t used to such things and since their friendship Thomas had never heard a bad word about his sort from Jimmy’s lips… it didn’t change the fact the world believed he was wrong. 

“Maybe I do,” Jimmy said in an odd voice. 

“Never,” Thomas laughed again. 

“My turn?” Philip held out his hand for the winding key.

Jimmy handed it him after a long hesitation. 

Philip then put it in Thomas hand and pushed Thomas toward the clock, wrapping himself around Thomas from behind. “I like this position better,” he said lowly into Thomas’ ear. Thomas bit back the groan that formed in his throat. He brought their hands up to the clock and inserted the key and unwound it a bit. “Can you feel that?” he asked, looking at their threaded fingers. 

“Yes,” Philip said moving his hips into Thomas’s backside. 

Thomas swallowed and then wound the clock to the correct point. “That’s what you want to feel.”

“I know what I want to feel,” Philip whispered.

“Focus,” Thomas let out a nervous laugh. 

“Okay, okay…” He felt Philip push a bit on the clock hand. “Oh. Yes.”

“Good, now you know what to feel for when you wind a clock.”

“I might just start winding all my clocks… You’ll come if I break one, won’t you?” Philip said stepping backward. 

Thomas shook his head and closed up the clock completely. When he turned both Philip and Jimmy were looking at him. Both with expressions he was slightly afraid to read. “Uh…”

“I should go find Mary — after all you might be right and she was merely bored.”

“Yes, your Grace,” Thomas said. 

Philip looked at him and shook his head slightly. “Please Thomas, when we’re alone…”

“You aren’t alone,” Jimmy ground out. 

Thomas looked at him then and their eyes met. Jimmy opened his mouth but then shut it. “Later,” he said and walked away. Thomas watched him go and feeling like he’d missed something important. 

“Thomas?” Philip said. 

Thomas looked back at Philip and gave him a small smile. “When we’re alone.”

Philip grinned and walked away. 

Thomas stood where he was for a few moments, just to try to get his bearings back. 

~~~

Thomas sat down at the servants hall several minutes late for dinner. He was behind for the rest of the day due to the clock and Philip. He kept going on tangents while working that slowed him down. Philip was giving him strange signals and they both worried and excited Thomas. Then there was Jimmy and Thomas’s worry about how he was reacting to all the maleness of the situation. Then he kept studying Lady Mary whenever he ran into her upstairs. She gave him no sign that anything at all had changed. He did always assume they all knew about him but that was quite different than allowing a guest to go be with their under butler in broad daylight. Thomas was slightly sure he dreamed it all. 

“You’re late,” Anna said conversationally.

“One of those days,” Thomas said. “Got off on a slow start.”

“Sorry about that Mr. Barrow,” Jimmy said, glancing a him from Anna’s other side. 

“No worries, just happy I could fix it.”

“Fix it… oh the clock,” Carson said. “It was easily fixed then? No need to call someone in?”

“No, Mr. Carson. I was able to fix it and I think James has finally learned how to properly wind the clock.”

“Yes, Mr. Barrow,” Jimmy said. 

“Good, good,” Carson said. 

“Isn’t the Duke handsome,” a new maid said suddenly to the table.

“Quite,” another maid said. “It’s so sad his wife died.”

“Maybe he’s here for Lady Mary… she could become a Duchess.”

“Enough gossip,” Carson started to admonish

“He is rather handsome though…” Jimmy suddenly said interrupting him. 

Everyone turned and looked at Jimmy. Thomas followed suit uncertain what to think. Was it just a general statement? But men don’t generally those type of things. Even the men like him who think it… they don’t say it. 

Jimmy shrugged. “I’m just saying, he’s a handsome bloke? Right Alfred”

Thomas was thankful he wasn’t the one asked, he couldn’t admit out loud to finding Philip attractive. Thomas watched Alfred blink a a few times before he nodded. “Suppose so, never thought about it.” 

Never thought about it… That sounded right to Thomas and he was sure Jimmy never thought about such things. Maybe it’s just because he saw him with the Duke. Thomas felt warm remembering what they’d been doing when Jimmy barged in suddenly. He wasn’t sure how much Jimmy had witnessed but it was probably more than enough to shock him. Earlier he’d been more worried about Thomas being caught with a man than the kissing itself. 

“Enough… it is not our place to be discussing a Duke.”

“Well, I think Mr. Bates is much more handsome,” Anna said. 

“And Jimmy…” another maid said and Thomas agreed with her while idly thinking he should learn the maids names. 

“And Mr. Barrow,” another maid said and Thomas found himself looking into brown eyes from across the table. He smiled the smile he gave girls and went back to his soup. 

“And enough of that,” Carson said. 

The rest of the dinner was silent but the bulk of them finished moments later and Ivy and Daisy came out of the kitchen to clear the table. Jimmy stayed sitting in his place and pulled out his deck of cards. Thomas watched him shuffling them, watched Jimmy’s hands. How his fingers flexed and moved. He tore his eyes away and lit a cigarette to smoke with the rest of his soup. 

“Who was saying you were cute?” Ivy asked Jimmy.

“Sara, I think,” Jimmy said sounding distracted. 

“Do you think she’s pretty?” Ivy asked. 

“Never much thought about it,” Jimmy said and Thomas couldn’t help but note of the wording. 

“Do you, Mr. Barrow?” Ivy asked.

Thomas shook his head. “I don’t even know who she is.”

Jimmy started laughing. 

Ivy sighed and left for the kitchen. 

“That one is not going to give up on you,” Thomas said. 

“Well, she has good taste,” Jimmy said and winked at Thomas. 

Thomas wished his stomach wouldn’t flip every time Jimmy winked at him. It meant nothing. “Is… I know…” Thomas sighed and looked around the room. “Are you okay, I mean I know you saw us…”

“I’m fine. Dandy, really. It was nothing, I mean it was kissing. Who hasn’t seen kissing?”

Thomas wanted to feel relief at that but he just wasn’t sure. “Not the kind of kissing one normally sees.”

“Didn’t seem all that different to me… besides the obvious.” 

“I… suppose so,” Thomas said. “Never seen it myself, now have I.”

Jimmy nodded. “He seems to really like you.”

“I suppose, for what it is.”

“What is it?”

“He’s only here a few more days.”

“And then that’s it… it’s over?”

Thomas nodded. 

“Yeah….” Jimmy looked away.

“Jimmy?”

“He was really into the whole clock thing.”

“He was flirting that’s all.”

“I know flirting,” Jimmy said. “No, he was really into the clock thing…. You.”

“It’s not like that.”

“He spoke out of turn in front of Lady Mary…”

“That was just a slip.”

“Yeah, maybe. I’m heading up.”

Thomas glanced at the time. “It’s early yet.”

“I’m tired. Goodnight, Thomas.”

Thomas nodded his goodnight and watched Jimmy walk away. There was something Jimmy wasn’t telling him. He didn’t like it, the idea of Jimmy leaving him out of things. Keeping to himself. Not that he had any right to all of Jimmy. He had no right to that at all. It had him feeling unsettled. 

~~~

It was midnight when he made his way to Philip’s room. The minute he was through the door, Philip was tugging at his tie and pulling at buttons. Thomas laughed as his back ended up against the door. Philip grinned at him, pulling free the tie and shoving Thomas out of his jacket. 

Thomas found his own hands on Philips chest, running down his ribs which made the other man chuckle. “Thomas, those in your profession have too many buttons.” he said and grabbed his face and kissed him. 

Thomas laughed into the kiss and pushed at Philip’s dressing gown. He wanted to touch and be touched. Having someone to touch, who wanted it again… it felt new. 

Philip stepped back and looked at Thomas. He pulled at the shirt, pulling it off his shoulders. “There you are, all bare from the waist up.” He ran his hands over Thomas’ nipples… 

“I did miss you.” Philip whispered. 

Thomas moved forward and kissed him. 

“You don’t believe me,” Philip said as he kissed at his neck again, his hands undoing the buttons on Thomas’ pants. 

“It seems unlikely…” Thomas kept touching and kissing him. 

“Yes, given my poor treatment of you.”

“Philip…” Thomas warned, he didn’t want to discuss it. He didn’t want to talk at all.

“I know you don’t want to speak of it. But I owe you…”

“I tried to blackmail you.”

“Which I saw coming…” Philip smiled. “We knew each other, Thomas.”

Thomas closed his eyes and nodded. 

“Well, I thought…even if our time was short.” Philip bent down and started undoing Thomas’s shoe laces.

“What are you doing?” Thomas looked down at him, his hands in Philip’s hair.

“Undressing you, I want see every inch of you.”

Thomas sighed and his head hit the door behind him a bit too hard. 

“Careful, Thomas.”

“Philip…”

“Did you miss me… a little bit?”

Thomas pulled at his hair. “Philip…”

“Did you?”

“Yes…for a time.”

“For a time?” Philip asked as he tugged at Thomas’ pants. 

“You dumped me…” Thomas pointed out. 

“It was a mistake.”

Thomas felt his breath stutter. 

“Never, not one other man compared to you…”

“Philip…”

Philip looked up at him as he pulled off Thomas’ underclothes. “I loved you then… I was a fool. I do now….still. I didn’t realize it until I saw you. But I do.”

Thomas was stunned, all he could was stare at Philip. Philip rose up and discarded his own underthings and took Thomas’ hand. Thomas threaded their fingers together and allowed Philip to pull him toward the bed. Philip’s knees hit the bed and he moved back and Thomas moved over him. This time Thomas initiated the kiss, straddling Philip’s lap. He kissed him deeply, feeling lost in the moment, stunned and turned on by the rapt attention. 

“Yes…” Philip moaned. “Did you?”

“Then… I thought so…” Thomas whispered 

“Now…”

“Philip…” Thomas pulled back and looked into Philip’s dark eyes. “I…” he shook his head. 

“It’s a surprise… it is to me too. Truly…” Philip leaned up and kissed his throat. “Just let me show you.”

“Yes… yes, show me.”

Philip flipped them on the bed and Thomas felt his breath taken away as he was looking up at him. Philip kissed him, chastely on the lips before moving off the bed for the briefest moment. He was kissed again when Philip returned with the petroleum. He wrapped his arms around Philips neck, deepening the kiss and then moaned when Philip broke free and started to kiss his neck… his coated finger finding Thomas’ entrance and pushing in. 

Thomas groaned, his hands in Philip’s hair, scraping down his back. Philip rushed up and kissed him, then wrapped his other hand around Thomas’ erection. “You’re perfect like this,” Philip said. “I love you.”

Thomas closed his eyes and soon he had Philip inside him, he wrapped his legs around his waist and his arms around his neck. Philip leaned over him, smile on his face and they moved. They moved like they had all those years ago, it was easy to match their rhythms again… they hadn’t gone this far last night but Thomas known they would tonight. He’d been aching to be filled again, it’d been so long. 

Philip kissed him, saying things Thomas never thought he would hear. Thomas sought out Philip’s mouth and rolled his hips. Philip moved in harder and sharper. “Thomas…”

Thomas cried out, biting down on Philip’s shoulder. It was too much, too much after so long of nothing at all. “I.. I…”

“I’ve got you…” Philip whisper. “Let me, let me….”

~~~

Later, Philip’s fingers trailing through his chest hair, Philip looked up at him. “You don’t love me.”

Thomas inhaled on the cigarette he’d lit. “No.”

“No….” Philip sighed. 

“It isn’t…”

“I ruined it,” Philip laughed. 

“I did try to blackmail you,” Thomas said again.

“You did… and I burned the letters. I regret that, I meant all the things I said.”

“I know that… now.”

“Yes,” Philip leaned up. “Could you?”

“What?”

“Mean all the things you said your letters… I still have them you know.”

“Could I love you?”

“Again?”

Jimmy. Thomas looked away from Philip. 

“What is it? Is there someone?”

Thomas laughed. “Not really.”

“Not really?” Philip kissed him. “How could it be not really?”

“He’s not like us.”

“Thomas… pining doesn’t suit you.”

Thomas laughed bitterly at that. It maybe didn’t suit him but he was locked into it now. There was no turning back. “But it’s my lot.”

“Who is he? He live in the village?”

“Philip…”

“I am relieved, I must say.”

Thomas stared at him. “You’re relieved I’m pining?”

“I’m relieved you aren’t in love with that blonde man… James.”

Thomas swallowed hard. “What?”

“I mean, he’s in love with you….” Philip gave a wry laugh. “Breaking hearts everywhere, yet pining for a man you can’t have.”

“What?” Thomas shouted a second time, panic rising up and he pushed Philip away. “Jimmy what?”

“Is in love with you.”

Thomas felt sweaty, he pushed at the sheets and got out of the bed, grabbing Philip’s dressing gown. “Jimmy doesn’t love me.”

“Oh he does… can’t stop glaring at me.”

“That isn’t about love. He’s just not used to… Men like us.”

Philip grew quiet. “It is is him.”

Thomas sighed. “He’s not like us.”

“He’s in love with you.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Thomas, I know why someone wants to punch me when they look at me.”

Thomas was getting angry. “You don’t know what you’re saying. It’s not true, you misread him — I did once too. But he’s not, he’s not. We’re only friends.”

“How did I miss it?” Philip said. “Look how in love with him are you?”

Thomas let out an odd squeak and looked away from Philip. Philip got up and grabbed his hand, his bad hand. He’d taken the glove off, when he undressed Thomas. Had lavished it with kisses their first night. He rubbed the scarring and leaned in closer. “I can deal with my broken heart…”

“Philip.”

“I’m too pragmatic not too… Besides, I can’t afford to hire you and keep you in my home.”

Thomas laughed.

“If I could afford you though, I’d make the offer hard to say no too… even if you love Jimmy.”

Thomas met his eyes. “I don’t doubt that.”

“But you’d say no.”

“I would.”

“I was jealous… too jealous I think. I only saw his jealousy and not that you would have enjoyed it. You should see it, Thomas. He’s jealous of me, of this… me having you.”

“He’s not…”

“He is… I was jealous he knew about the clocks. I was jealous of the friendly banter. I want you to be that at ease around me — and I figured it out far to late. For so many reasons.”

“Jimmy isn’t….”

“But I think he is…” Philip sighed. “Maybe, I’m projecting. But it seems clear to me he didn’t want me around.”

“Probably worried I’ll get arrested.”

Philip laughed. “I wouldn’t have allowed that. I am a Duke you know… they have to do what I say.”

“You must stop. I can’t. I love him and I have to hide it. This is cruel.”

“And I can be a cruel man, Thomas. But this isn’t that….” Philip grinned. “I’ll get him to admit it, Thomas. I’ll get him to tell you.”

“You’ll do the impossible?”

“For you. I will. I owe you. I don’t like this face…” Philip put his palm on Thomas’ cheek. “You look broken.”

“You’re daft.”

“I might be… I want you. To myself, you know. But I’ll do this.”

“Why?”

“If you could see your face as you argue he can never love you….” Philip sighed. “I’ve gotten nicer as I age. I never forgot you. I know why now. And I know he loves you, why else did I feel such jealousy.”

Thomas leaned into Philip’s hand on his face. “Philip… can we just enjoy the days you are here. No more nonsense.”

“I’ll keep you in my bed if you like…. But he’ll tell you before I leave. He’ll tell you, he loves you.”

“Keep me in your bed then,” Thomas said and pushed away the rest of it. After last time he couldn’t, he wouldn’t, allow himself any hope past friendship with Jimmy. It was impossible and Philip was being a fool — a romantic one. Thomas couldn’t help drinking up the flattery. 

~~~

Jimmy couldn’t sleep. He kept thinking about the Duke and Thomas. Imagining them doing things that never before entered Jimmy’s mind. He kept see them at the clock from earlier. The way they were kissing, how flushed Thomas looked. How ruffled he looked and not all his usual put together form. The way he looked at the Duke and moved into the other man’s touches. 

He remembered them kissing downstairs, more hungry then, deeper and wetter and with noises that had made Jimmy uncomfortable. In the best way. Jimmy hands slid down his stomach as he thought. His imagination putting him there in place of the Duke. Him behind Thomas, pushing him into the clock, keeping their bodies pressed together. Whispering in his ear…

Jimmy wrapped his hand around his erection and moaned. “Shit…” He imagined Thomas pressing his palm against it, the way he’d seen him do with the Duke. He imagined Thomas on his knees, not for the first time of the day and looking up at him. Jimmy swallowed hard and started to move his hand, wondering what Thomas’ mouth would feel like wrapped around him. Lady Anstruther’s had always felt like a torturous heaven… Thomas would be better, so much better, Jimmy thought. He knew. He started to pump himself harder. Thinking about kissing Thomas, touching Thomas, picturing Thomas’s head thrown back in pleasure and his tongue licking his lips. Jimmy licked his own lips and came. 

“Thomas.”

~~~

Jimmy didn’t know to look at his best mate — the best mate he’d ever had — in the eye when he came down for breakfast. Since Anna was no where to be seen, Jimmy sat next to Thomas. He wanted to be close, even if he had no idea how to look at him. Or even what to do with himself. Last night he’d pleasured himself thinking about another man. No not another man. Thomas. His Thomas — the possession felt right. 

Thomas glanced at him and his expression became pinched, the way it tended to do if he was upset and trying to control his features. Jimmy forgot his own awkwardness and nudged his leg under the table. “Something wrong?”

“No. No…” Thomas smiled at him but it wasn’t the usual quirk he was graced with. 

“So things are good with him…” Jimmy said lowly and unhappily.

“He thinks he…” Thomas trailed off. “It’s not important.”

“What?”

“Jimmy, do you really want to hear?”

“Yes. Everything.” Jimmy nodded. He had to know what was happening between the men when he wasn’t there. He needed to know and he reached out grasped Thomas’s shoulder. “I do, truly.”

Thomas’ mouth quirked up then and Jimmy grinned. “Okay, later, when we can go up to attic.”

Jimmy started to nod when Carson walked in. They and the others at the table stood up. Carson looked right at James. “It seems his Grace, has decided that he needs a Valet for his last few days here and he’s requested you.”

“Me,” Jimmy said. “I’ve never…”

“I informed him Mr. Barrow would be the better choice for him, but he disagreed. The last few dinners do have high ranking guests and appearance should be proper. So I’m happy to oblige him, you will ask Mr. Barrow any questions you have. His Grace has asked to see you, now.” 

“Did you know…”

Thomas looked a bit pale.

“Thomas?”

“What?”

“Did you know he was going too…”

“No. No. Look, Jimmy he’s a master manipulator, just be careful”

“What would he want to manipulate me into?” Jimmy said.

“He won’t touch you, I don’t think…” he trailed off looking unsure.

Jimmy eyes widened and he felt a wave of fear. “What, no, I didn’t think he would….” He lowered his voice. “He’s all about you.”

Thomas gave him that earlier smile and Jimmy felt his heart sink. That smile was for the Duke. “Just don’t let him get in your head, don’t be upset…”

“I’ll be fine. Better go,” Jimmy got up. 

“I think, I’ll go with you… Argue Carson’s point about me.”

“You think I can’t do it?” Jimmy teased.

Thomas rolled his eyes. 

~~~

The minute they walked into the Duke’s room, the Duke closed his door by pushing Thomas against it and kissing him soundly. And forever. It felt like forever to Jimmy as he watched the other men kiss. Thomas was slow to respond but then he put his hands on Philip’s neck and Jimmy wished it was his neck. He looked around the room and tried not to watch but he really couldn’t tear his eyes away. 

“Hmm….. Good morning,” Philip said to Thomas. “I so wished to wake up with you.”

“We can’t be stupid, Philip,” Thomas said and Jimmy saw that he was avoiding looking at Jimmy. “Also, we shouldn’t make Jimmy uncomfortable.”

Philip turned toward Jimmy. “Have we made you uncomfortable? Cause by my experience, being a man of the normal sort, you handle seeing two men kissing fairly well.”

“It’s fine. I just don’t want Thomas to be caught.”

“It has been so lucky, it’s only been you.”

“It has,” Thomas agreed. 

Jimmy nodded. 

“A valet, Philip?” Thomas asked.

“Yes, yes, I need one… with the guests that are coming.”

“It’d be better if I…”

“No, no, I wouldn’t dream of asking an under butler to valet for me. You’re too important. Jimmy will do fine, won’t you? We’re all friends right?”

Jimmy thought he was daft but he looked at Thomas. “We are friends.”

“Good, good….” Philip leaned down kissed Thomas above the collar of his livery. “I do hate these collars… want to see your neck.”

Jimmy found himself agreeing. 

Thomas flushed and pushed Philip away from him, but not very far. “I should get to work…. Don’t keep Jimmy too long,” Thomas said and looked between them. “Jimmy?”

“I know what to do,” Jimmy said with a forced grin.

Thomas nodded. “I’ll go then…”

“Wait…” Philip pulled Thomas forward and kissed him again. Pulling away with a whine. “The day will be interminably long as I wait for midnight.”

Thomas flushed and straightened out his clothes and Jimmy wished it’d been him to mess him all up. Jimmy looked away and a beat later he heard the door close. 

“He’s beautiful.”

“I wouldn’t know,” Jimmy lied. 

“Wouldn’t you?” The Duke looked right at him and Jimmy realized what it was Thomas had first seen in the man. Calculation. 

“Meaning?”

“Maybe you can tell me why Thomas is so worried about you being uncomfortable with us?”

Jimmy snorted. “I don’t tell his secrets.”

“What about yours?”

“Not going to tell you mine either…. Your Grace.”

Philip laughed. “You don’t like me, let’s just be honest…” he walked over to the wardrobe and started to pull out a suit.

Jimmy budged ahead of him. “This one…” he checked and started to pull out the suit. “I didn’t say I didn’t like you.”

“But you don’t like me touching Thomas.”

Jimmy put the shirt flat on the bed. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“I saw your face in the library, your clenched fist… I’m surprised Thomas didn’t — but then I think he’s not looking for it. You’re jealous.”

“Am not,” Jimmy lied. “I like women, a lot, thank you very much.”

“So he and I, disgust you?”

“He’ll never disgust me,” Jimmy snapped not realizing it, not fully, until the words left his throat. 

“He won’t? But I could….”

“It doesn’t disgust me.”

“Men. Doing bedroom things?”

“No.”

“Does he know that?”

“He…” Jimmy sighed. Thomas probably didn’t but he couldn’t just bring that up, he couldn’t explain that his mind had changed so fully on something. It seemed odd to him sometimes, how differently he viewed it all after realizing what a great man Thomas really could be. 

“No. What did happen between you two?”

“Nothing,’ Jimmy said and that was the problem.

“No there is something? Tell me?”

Guilt washed over Jimmy. “I almost got him fired without a reference, all right.” 

“What?”

“He kissed me.”

“And you didn’t like it?” Philip sounded truly surprised. 

Jimmy stared at him. “I don’t like being kissed —“

“By men?”

“That’s not where I was going.”

“Somehow I didn’t think so…” 

There it was, he could see Philip thinking as their gazes locked. He was calculating, smart, it was no wonder Thomas liked him. Maybe more than liked him. Jimmy looked away. “I was asleep.”

“When he kissed you.”

“Yes.”

“Well… that’s… Quite creepy, but then Thomas can be fool-hardy. He did make a pass on based on very little. Cocky and forward.”

Jimmy frowned. “He thought I’d told someone I liked him… though it was fabricated…. Anyway, It went to far and he was almost out on the streets and I was stupid. But we got past it and we’re close now…” Jimmy sighed. “Why am I telling you this?” 

“I do not know…let’s put the shirt on.” Philip pulled off his dressing gown. Jimmy found his eyes dipping to check him out and stopped short. What was that? It’d felt so normal too… had always been doing that? No, no, he’d never checked out Alfred. But who would? Daisy… well… 

“Are you okay?”

“Fine.”

“So women?” Philip laughed. 

“What about them?”

“You like them.”

“Yes.” Jimmy was sure, he was damn sure. 

“Hmm…” Philip turned around and Jimmy’s eyes widened a bit at the scratches on his back. 

“Thomas can get a bit carried away.”

Jimmy had the sudden image of Thomas underneath him, Thomas’s hands on his back, his nails in his skin and he looked down at his shoes. He had to stop doing these things. It was crazy. Where the hell was it all coming from? He took a breath and started dressing the Duke. Philip was quiet as they got on his shirt and the cufflinks. He was merely dressing for breakfast and the day, so at least it wasn’t tails and bowties. Yet. 

“I knew a man once… he told me that he loved women too. Said it was quite confusing for him for a long time. Before he decided to say… Sod it, I love both cunts and cocks.”

Philip leaned forward. “The world is full of many things that we can’t imagine until we see them, James. I think we’re done for now.” Philip pulled his sleeves down a bit, grinned one more time at Jimmy and left the bedroom

Jimmy stood still staring at where Philip had stood. 

~~~

Jimmy shoved the conversation to the back of his mind. There was no way he was thinking about any of those things. It was bad enough he couldn’t stop picturing being with Thomas. It was confusing for one thing and he kept waiting for it to all bother him more. It should bother him he’s getting hot thinking about Thomas. It should bother him he’s been touching himself thinking about Thomas. Men weren’t supposed to think those things about other men. Everyone said it, everyone. The Church, his father, Carson… 

Everyone. Except Thomas. But then again Thomas never discussed it. He never brought it up either. He kept it from Jimmy. Every time they broached the subject of Thomas’ leanings they skirted it around or avoided it all together. Until recently however…

Philip. Jimmy shook his head. The Duke of Crowborough, you can’t think of him as Philip. That’s insane. That’s for Thomas. Thomas is for the Duke. The Duke is for Thomas. They both like men. Jimmy likes girls. 

Both. 

Thomas. 

Jimmy cursed out the traitorous thoughts. He had to stop this. Stop seeing Thomas being kissed —by Jimmy. He kept replacing the Duke with himself and it was getting out of hand. He wasn’t that sort of man, he wasn’t and it didn’t matter that knowing Thomas made him question everything he had been taught about it. 

Thomas wasn’t wrong. He just wasn’t. He was cunning, he could be mean and biting — it always cracked Jimmy up. Jimmy wasn’t really Mr. Nice Guy himself. He couldn’t hold any of that against Thomas. Thomas was clever and he used to get what he wanted. Some people didn’t like that but Thomas couldn’t have what he really wanted so why shouldn’t he take other things?

Thomas was lots of things but how he wanted men… Jimmy maybe didn’t understand it but he couldn’t fault it. He wanted women didn’t he…. And Thomas. Jimmy sighed.

“Oi, Jimmy… service?” Alfred snapped at him.

Jimmy jumped up from the servants hall table and hurried to the kitchen. When he got to the dining room however he didn’t know where to look. Carson was by the door. Thomas was by the wine. And the damn Duke was at the table. Jimmy served, on autopilot and he thanked everything he was good at his job. He took his place by Carson when he finished, waiting to see if anyone needed anything more. 

The conversation was boring, nothing new came up even Philip was repeating things he had already said.. It was the calm before the storm. Two couples from London would be visiting. They were coming to also see the Duke and then he would leaving with one of them to travel. It was different to say the least but things were changing, Jimmy thought. Everything was changing.

He was changing. Or was he. He sought out Thomas, he always did while they stood there while the family ate. Pretending to be statues. Thomas was looking at Philip though when Jimmy found him. He had the insane urge to speak to get Thomas’s attention but managed to tamp it down. He watched Thomas watch Philip and wondered what Thomas was thinking. Thomas looked strange at first but as time went on a flush formed on high on his cheeks. Jimmy tried to stop his own mind from picturing Thomas and Philip together. 

It made him angry. But it also never lasted long because soon he was Philip. 

Both. It was no use the thought was in his head now. One could like both sexes? Both? Was that really a thing, it sounded too simple. If people could like both wouldn’t more people like both? That was an odd thought, one didn’t think about liking the same sex at all. No one would think they could like both? 

He looked at Thomas again and this time gray eyes caught his own blue ones. Thomas’ lips quirked up and Jimmy smiled in return. That was his look, that was how Thomas looked at him and him alone. Thomas was beautiful, the most beautiful person in the house. Had he once thought that was Ivy? How stupid?

Soon — though it felt forever — they were cleaning up the table. Thomas leaned over Jimmy for a moment. “Upstairs in ten minutes, we can have that talk?”

Jimmy blushed, his face felt like it was on fire, he nodded. “Yeah.” 

Suddenly the conversation felt like a really bad idea. Not that he’d thought it was good one in the first place. But he’d agreed readily, he needed Thomas to know he wasn’t going to be upset by the topic or overreact to it at all. It didn’t bother him, it truly didn’t and he marveled at the idea it ever did. Some of those thoughts slid into his head and they felt unwelcome, they were foreign, they were never his own voice at all. They were never him. _It’s disgusting, I’m a proper man, it’s a sin._ No, that was his father, the Church, it was men he was deployed with during the war. Mr. Carson. 

Not Jimmy. 

He made it upstairs first and he stood in the hall. Looking down toward Thomas’ room and then toward his own door. Which room were they going to talk in? They never went into his room? Never, he realized. It was always Thomas’, always keeping the door open. Even though it meant they whispered a lot because they didn’t want to be overheard gossiping about the family in the nasty way they tended toward. 

Jimmy heard Thomas coming, he knew his steps and he stepped toward his own room and opened the door. Thomas appeared and he grinned at him and motioned for him to come into his room. Jimmy walked into his room and looked at the bed. This was a bad idea, he thought but it shoved that aside. Maybe, maybe it was a good thing. 

“Jimmy…” Thomas sounded hesitant and he hovered at the threshold of the door. 

“Thomas come in.”

Thomas stepped in. 

Jimmy sat down on his bed and pointed the one chair he had in his room. Thomas grabbed and it pulled it toward the bed. But not close enough for Jimmy’s needs, so he reached and pulled it closer before Thomas could sit. Thomas looked at him and his lips quirked. Jimmy bit back the urge to ask him to fully smile. He wanted to see it. He really did. 

“Hey,” Thomas said in that shy way that Jimmy thought only he saw. But maybe Philip has too. _I hate him for it._

“Hey.”

“I don’t know… what to? How to start?” Thomas rubbed his hands on his thighs, his voice too formal.

“Stop worrying so much and say it.”

“Are you uncomfortable? With all. I’m quite sorry for how Philip behaved earlier.”

“I’m not bothered, truly. Really. It was unexpected the first time but by the time he kissed you in the bedroom. It was… I don’t mind seeing it. It’s just kissing isn’t?”

“Well… yes. It isn’t upsetting?”

“No.”

Thomas’ mouth quirked. “Good, good.”

“The things I used to say, imply… all those things before we became friends. I don’t think anymore, I don’t think I really thought them then.”

Thomas nodded. “It’s understandable…”

“No, no it’s not. It’s not,” Jimmy huffed. “Your not wrong, Thomas.”

“Many would argue against that.”

“Well, they’d be wrong.”

“He didn’t behave…. Badly after I left?”

“I told you, he only has eyes for you.”

Thomas’ cheeks went red. “He…”

“What?”

“Says he loves me… he doesn’t.”

“He loves you.” Jimmy felt punched. “He what?”

“It’s not true.”

“Why wouldn’t it be true?” Jimmy heard himself argue. _He can’t love him, Philip can’t have him._

“Why would he love me?” Thomas said then tried to laugh. “Haven’t even seen him in a decade, last thing I did was try to blackmail him.”

“Which he respected, and you know it,” Jimmy said. 

Thomas looked up. “Well…”

“Well what…. He’s a right arsehole, it’s no wonder you liked him.”

Thomas really laughed then. 

“Do you…”

“What?”

“Love him back?”

Thomas leveled him with a look and Jimmy felt punched again. But this time they wouldn’t talk about it. No they wouldn’t talk about it. “Right… never mind.”

“Never mind,” Thomas looked away.

“He should love you, you know. You’re… brave and clever and…” Jimmy trailed off. 

“I’m not brave.”

“Don’t tell that to me… I was the coward,” Jimmy argued. _More ways than one._

“He said…” Thomas stopped short and shook his head. “No. That’s nothing.”

“What?”

Thomas looked away and when he looked back he smirked. “Said if he could afford me he’d take me away.”

Fear leveled Jimmy again. “Would you go?”

“There is no where to go… he’s gone a bit nutter I think.”

Jimmy laughed, thinking about his dealings with Philip. “He is a bit, yeah.”

“You’ve…. Seemed angry, so are you sure it’s not about…”

“It’s not that… it’s….” Jimmy tried to find a lie but he couldn’t. “I’m not angry at you. Never would be. Not for that.”

Thomas nodded and licked his lips. Jimmy followed his tongue with his eyes and thought about leaning forward. He could lean forward, he could touch Thomas’ leg and he could capture his mouth with his. It’d be simple. They were in the perfect position. 

Emotions and questions slammed at him and Jimmy moved the opposite direction. “I should get back downstairs, before Carson realizes I’m not helping Alfred.”

Thomas nodded. “I should too…” 

They walked down the stairs side by side. 

~~~

Jimmy knocked on Philip’s door. “Your Grace?” he said as he walked in. 

Philip sat on the bed, he’d taken off his dinner jacket and shoes but nothing else. He was reading a letter from what looked like a pile of letters. He motioned for Jimmy to come in. Jimmy walked in and closed the door behind him. 

“Here to ready me for bed?” Philip asked.

“Are you going to bed?” Jimmy asked, knowing that Thomas was going to be in this room soon instead of him. _Instead of us_ , that voice decided to whisper. 

Philip grinned. “Yes, I consider myself lucky, Jimmy. That he’ll be coming to my bedroom.”

Jimmy felt his face heat and looked away. A small voice in his head laughed at the thought he was jealous of the idea of Thomas stealing through the night to another man’s bedroom. The irony of it all had to be known. 

“Undress me,” Philip said. “For Thomas.”

Jimmy looked up. “What?”

Philip stood up. “Undress me. It help us save time.”

“Are you mad?”

“Perhaps,” Philip grinned stepped closer to Jimmy. Too close, as close as the man stood to Thomas when he touched him, when he kissed him. Jimmy felt his heart start to pound and for the second time he became aware Philip — the Duke — was very attractive. _Thomas is much more attractive_. “Go, unbutton my shirt.”

Thomas’ worries about if Philip would try something suddenly felt less ridiculous to Jimmy. He took a breath and watched his hand rise and he started to unbutton the shirt. It was his job really. 

“You are beautiful? When Thomas first laid eyes on you I bet he wanted to eat you up.”

Jimmy felt his cheeks heat. “I wouldn’t know.”

“Oh, of course you do. You told me your story.”

Jimmy undid the last of the buttons and moved to the cufflinks. 

Philip leaned in and whispered into Jimmy’s ear. “When did he fall for you?”

Jimmy froze.

“Do you not know?”

“I don’t,” Jimmy said. “Never wanted to think about it.”

“Oh but you do now…” Philip watched Jimmy put his cufflinks in the box. “My pants I think, now.”

Jimmy stared at him. 

“Yes, yes, I’m mad…” Philip pointed to his crotch. Thomas was right the Duke was nutters. Jimmy stepped into his space and was ready for when Philip moved in closer. 

“What do you think it is, he loves about you?”

“I don’t know.”

“Your beauty would only be start….Thomas may be vain but he’s not shallow.”

“No,…” Jimmy inhaled sharply as he unhooked Philips pants. 

“I think you might have a brain. Do you have a brain, Jimmy?”

Jimmy looked up then and saw Philip staring at him with open lust. A lump formed in his throat. Had Thomas looked anything like that when he leaned over his sleeping form? Jimmy mentally shook himself. “I’m well read.”

“Thomas is as well… I could never keep up with some of his references.”

“Meaning?”

“Books, poets, mysteries…” he felt Philip’s breath against his ear. “Romances.”

Jimmy closed to his eyes.

“Yes…” Philip took Jimmy’s hands and moved them to his waist and pressed his palms against skin. Jimmy started at the feel but his hands just flexed where they were in place. “Now, open your eyes.”

He opened his eyes and was looking into Philips, his eyes darker than before. Philip moved forward, Jimmy exhaled and realized he was shaking. Philip’s mouth hovered just over Jimmy’s own. Jimmy flexed his hands again, Philip moved under the motion. “Tickles,” he breathed out. Jimmy’s eyes closed again and tried to breathe. 

There was a knock on the door. “Is it that time already?” Philip stepped away from Jimmy. Jimmy turned to see Thomas walk in. His heart felt like it was in his throat. He was hot and he was hard and looking at Thomas made him feel guilty. 

“Goodnight,” he muttered and bolted from the room. 

~~~

Thomas watched the door close behind Jimmy. Then he turned and took in Philip’s state of dress, or rather undress. Unbuttoned shirt, unbuttoned pants, no shoes on and he stepped forward. “What are you playing at?”

Philip laughed. “Don’t worry, I won’t hurt him. But I told you, I’m going get him declare his feelings for you.”

“He has no feelings for me,” Thomas spat out. “So, don’t mess with his head.”

“Thomas… you’re blind.”

“I’m not a fool, is what I am.”

“No, no, if you were a fool you’d love me.” Philip grabbed Thomas’ bad hand and tugged off the glove, then he kissed the palm. “I’m just helping him see, Thomas.”

“See what?” Thomas asked trying not to be lulled into submission by Philip’s tongue against his scars. 

“Himself,” Philip chuckled, “I think I’ve become wise.”

Thomas rolled his eyes but he stepped closer. “You promised to keep me in your bed until you left.” _No more talk of love, please_. 

Philip dropped his hand and cupped Thomas’ face. “You’re beautiful. Much more than him or me.”

“You at any rate,” Thomas said.

“So mean, you hurt my feelings,” Philip laughed. “No, I can’t compare to him. He’s still so young, isn’t he?”

“Yes.” Images of Jimmy’s flat stomach and beautiful back flying into his mind. They’re never far, never far at all. 

“You think about him?” Philip started to undo Thomas’ buttons. “Where do you start? His mouth?”

“Philip…”

“Tell me,” Philip’s mouth attached to his neck as soon as freed the skin. “Tell me, my love.”

“Don’t mess with his head…”

“No promises,” Philip said. 

Thomas stepped back and glared at him. Philip sighed. “Again, I won’t hurt him.”

“He doesn’t love me.”

“Is that so hard to believe?” Philip asked.

“Yes.”

“Do you believe me…” Thomas stayed quiet, his expression stony. Philip stared at him and sighed. “No you don’t.” He surged forward, roughly pulling Thomas into him for a hard kiss. Thomas staggered but then he was kissing Philip back, pushing his tongue into his mouth, enjoying the roughness of it. Philip then shoved him into the wardrobe and started pulling at his clothes again, biting on his neck. Thomas shoved his shirt completely off of him and put his hand down his pants, wrapping it around Philip’s dick. 

“Shit, Thomas… if you want that in you..”

“We have time,” Thomas said, and dropped to his knees. 

Philip didn’t love him. Neither did Jimmy. At least with Philip he could have this. 

~~~

Jimmy rushed out into the hall and leaned against the wall. He looked up and down the hallway and felt satisfied he was alone. He tipped his head back against the wall with a thump. He was hot, he was too hot, he went to rub his hand on his thighs and remembered he was hard in that instant. His hand over his erection and this was not the place, not the place at all. 

Philip was going to kiss him? Or was he going to kiss Philip? He was calling him Philip again. Jimmy groaned. This thing was only supposed to be Thomas. Thomas. The only exception. His exception. But now…

Had he been like this all along?

Jimmy stood straight, he had to go to his room. He contemplate these things in the hallway of the gallery. He turned to go and as he walked by the Duke’s room he heard them talking. 

“Shit, Thomas… if you want that in you..”

“We have time,” Thomas said, and dropped to his knees. 

He turned. The door hadn’t closed properly behind him. He stepped closer to close it when he heard Philip — The Duke — moan and he paused with his hand on the knob. He stepped closer and looked through the crack and holy shit. 

Thomas was on his knees, the Duke’s cock in his mouth, his hand wrapped around the base of it. Jimmy covered his mouth, afraid of what sound might escape it. He stared at Thomas’s red lips wrapped around Philip. He watched Thomas bob up and down. Philip had his hands in Thomas’s hair, then he was tugging on it. 

“Look at me, Thomas.”

Thomas looked up but didn’t stop. 

“Fuck…fuck, I missed this mouth.”

Jimmy shoved his hand in his mouth. 

Philip pushed Thomas down, and down. Jimmy’s eyes widened as Thomas took the man down to his balls. Then Philip started to move his hips and it was too much for Jimmy to take. He somehow closed the door as quietly as he could and then he bolted for his room. Once there he freed himself from his pants, his hand around himself, imagining with much better detail than the last time that it was Thomas’s mouth around him. 

“Fuck, fuck, Thomas….”

~~~

Thomas woke up late. It was still dark out, thankfully but later than he would have wished to wake up. He had to make it back upstairs unseen. Philip was wrapped around him like an octopus, his grip rather tight. It took awhile for Thomas to get the other man to unhand him. “Stay…” Philip whispered, half asleep as he allowed Thomas to leave the bed. 

“You know better than to ask that,” Thomas admonished him.

“One morning, just one morning…” Philip mumbled before falling back asleep. 

Thomas stared at him and for a brief second believed him. Believed that Philip loved him. Then he shook himself, it was impossible, maybe not nearly as impossible as Jimmy loving him but it wasn’t the truth. He grabbed his clothes, shoved on his shoes put on his pants and his vest and left the room, carrying the rest of his things. 

The hall was dark and empty. All Thomas heard was silence. He hurried his way to the stairs and up to the attic. He was about to step down the hallway when he heard a door. He stepped back into the darkness and listened. He didn’t hear footsteps or any voices. He peeked back into the hall, expecting to see someone walking either two or from the lavatory. Instead he found Jimmy standing in the hallway, with his forehead against Thomas’s door. 

He stepped into the hallway and walked slowly down it, but his shoes sounded loud to his ears. Jimmy didn’t turn to look until Thomas was practically on top of him. He stared at Thomas, he looked like he was in a daze. Thomas thought maybe he wasn’t even awake. 

“Thomas.”

Thomas felt his mouth quirk up and he stopped it there. “Hello, Jimmy.”

“You’re back…. It’s late.”

“Were you checking on me?”

“Hadn’t heard you come back yet…. You have been?”

“Were you… waiting up?”

“Have been…” Jimmy said and he stepped closer to Thomas. Too close, Thomas could smell sleep and sweat on him and he tried not inhale it the perfect scent that was his Jimmy. His? He chastised himself. 

“I made it back.”

“Would you rather stay?” Jimmy asked. 

“Where?”

“With him, in the bed?”

“No,” Thomas said. “Not with him.”

“With someone you loved then?”

“What do you mean?”

“To sleep next to someone and wake up with them…. That’s a nice thought right, if you love them?”

Thomas felt like his throat might close as he looked into Jimmy’s eyes. “Yes.”

“Yes,” Jimmy smiled and he lifted up his hand. 

Thomas held his breath. _Is he going to touch my face?_

Jimmy’s hand seemed to hover forever before it fell back down to his side. “Get to bed, Thomas,” he said and walked back to his own room. 

Thomas stood where he was and berated himself for the hope that had swelled in his chest. 

 

~~~

Jimmy brushed the back of Philip’s jacket before he went down for breakfast. The other man had been quiet when Jimmy walked in that morning. Jimmy wasn’t complaining. He needed the breather, he’d been dreading going into the room. Frightened by what Philip — the Duke — might do and say. It was hard to not keep looking at the spot where Thomas had kneeled down for Philip. 

“He doesn’t think he can be loved,” Philip said suddenly. 

Jimmy froze. 

“I mean he truly doesn’t think it’s possible,” Philip turned toward Jimmy. “Why is that?”

Jimmy eyes widened. “How would I know?”

“You know, I think.” Philip said. 

“No. He’s too closed off.” Jimmy said. _Not to you_.

“He has his facade to protect… the man who doesn’t care about anyone else but himself.”

Jimmy nodded. “Thomas Contra Mundi.”

Philip raised an eyebrow. “Latin? Thomas must’ve been impressed.”

Jimmy rolled his eyes. 

“I was right. You have a brain.”

“We all do, Your Grace,” Jimmy said. 

“And you are a bit of a snot, aren’t you?”

“Might be.”

“You’ll make him happy…. Make him feel it.”

Jimmy nearly dropped the cuff link he was holding. “What?”

Philip sighed. “How much more pushing will you need?”

“I don’t…”

Philip raised his hand to Jimmy’s mouth, pressed a finger there. “Shhh.”

Jimmy fought the urge to lick his lips. 

Philip rose a hand and touched Jimmy’s face. Jimmy felt his skin heat up, a tiny voice told him he should step back, bat the hand away but he didn’t. Philip smiled then and moved forward. His lips brushed against Jimmy’s and Jimmy inhaled sharply through his nose. Philip pushed his hand into Jimmy’s hair and pushed his head forward as he angled his own head. The pressure against Jimmy’s mouth increased, he felt Philips tongue against his lips. 

Then found himself pushing in, moving his mouth and kissing the other man. Philip hummed and turned them pushing Jimmy against the wardrobe. Deepening the kiss and taking it away from being chaste. Jimmy’s eyes closed and he kissed back harder, his own tongue sliding against Philips. He moaned into his mouth and his grabbed at Philip’s shirt, pulling him closer. He was lost in it, the feeling of a man against him, strong arms pushing and stroking him. Philip kissed him with a force that knocked the wind out of Jimmy. He kept opening his mouth for more of it. Lady Anstruther never made him feel so hot, all the girls Jimmy been with seemed suddenly to be nothing to him at all. 

Philip pulled away and Jimmy tried to follow him. Philip put his hands on his chest and grinned. “Only women?”

Jimmy panted, aroused and dazed, even more so than the night before. “Oh.”

Philip bent down and picked up his cufflinks and quickly put them on. “We’re all set, time for breakfast,” he squeezed Jimmy’s shoulder once, then left the room. 

~~~

The new guests arrival kept Jimmy busy for which he was thankful. For once extra work wasn’t an annoying thing he spent the day grumbling about. But it wasn’t really enough to distract him at all from that kiss. 

Every time he saw Philip he felt his cheeks heat up and he didn’t know where to look. He remembered dilated eyes, tongue and strong hands touching him in ways he never been touched before. It was all overwhelming and he was certain that was an understatement.

It was even worse when he saw Thomas. So much worse when he saw Thomas. Images of Thomas on his knees and his mouth wrapped around Philip morphing into his fantasy of it being him. He kept staring at Thomas’ mouth and wondering what it would feel like against his lips. He even found himself trying to remember, trying to remember that one fleeting moment…

But it was no good because all he could remember was the anger and confusion he’d felt on waking up in that position, with a man over him and Alfred’s _Oh my God_!

“James!” Carson voice made him jolt in place. “Get downstairs for desert.”

Jimmy nodded and hurried away. He was going to hear it later for zoning out during dinner. At least Carson hadn’t caught him staring at either Philip or Thomas. That would’ve been too much, way too much, how would he have explained that to the older man. 

He laughed, a bit crazed, of course he wouldn’t. Carson couldn’t begin to fathom what Jimmy was going through. What Jimmy was feeling. The journey he’d been on since he’d walked into Thomas and Philip in that hallway. It felt so long ago and like yesterday. His whole world was askew. 

The only thing that made it feel all right was he never once, truly, questioned his attraction Thomas. He didn’t know how to proceed, he didn’t know to breathe around him. He was at loss and confused by the sudden awareness of certain things. Maybe he didn’t know the next stop but he knew he wanted Thomas. He wanted Thomas and it felt so right. 

As he walked back into the dinning room, he passed Thomas and felt his eyes on him. He glanced over and Thomas expression was concern and confusion. Jimmy nodded to let him know he was all right. It was only a bit of a lie. Thomas’ expression softened but his eyes remained sharp, then glanced at Philip. 

As he expected he was in Carson’s office the minute dinner service was over. He stood there and listened. Then nodded and apologized. Carson sighed and sent him on his way. Reminding him to clear the table and be ready for the Duke goes up for the night. At the mention of Philip he tried desperately not to blush and failed, though he was sure Carson didn’t notice.

Thomas was in the hall when he walked out of the door. He was smoking, of course, but Jimmy’s eyes went right to the cigarette being held between red lips and his mind went to straight to last night, straight to his fantasies. Thomas grabbed his arm and pulled him with him down the hallway and outside the door. 

It was freezing out but the cold felt good on Jimmy’s heated skin. Thomas blew smoke out into the air, the combination of it and his breath freezing was oddly beautiful Jimmy thought. 

“What happened?” 

Jimmy stared at him blankly. “What?”

“Jimmy,” Thomas warned his eyes flashing. 

Jimmy’s mind went blank. Where did he start? Was now the time? He didn’t know what he wanted to say. He started Thomas, then his mouth, he did know what he wanted to do. But was now the time? 

“Jimmy?” Thomas’ tone softened. “Talk with me.”

“I don’t know how…” he trailed off.

“You don’t know how?”

“To say it.”

“Say what?”

“Philip kissed me.” Jimmy blinked not sure how he said it.

Thomas’ whole expression turned to stone and anger flashed in his eyes. 

Fear laced through Jimmy. 

“I’ll kill him…” Thomas spat out.

Jimmy grabbed Thomas by his arm, stopping him from turning around. “You will do no such thing.”

“Jimmy he kissed you without your…”

“He had my permission…. Kind of.”

Thomas froze. 

Jimmy stepped closer, he had to be closer to say what he was going say next. He spoke in low whisper. “I liked it.”

Thomas’ eyes went from sharp to stony to unreadable in seconds. He seemed to tense up and he stepped back. “You liked it,” his voice was clipped, controlled. 

Jimmy stepped closer to Thomas again, he needed to be close. “Thomas…”

“No need to explain more…” Thomas stepped away from him again. “Better get back to work.”

Jimmy blinked because Thomas was gone. He stared at where he stood and realized he’d missed something. 

~~~

Thomas walked into the boot room, happy to find it empty. He closed the door and leaned against it. He blinked heavily trying to stem off tears. Jimmy been kissed by a man and liked it. It was punch to his gut that then settled down a heavy weight. He felt dizzy with the hurt, nothing had ever hurt like this. He hadn’t seen this coming, how could he see this coming?

Philip with all his declarations of love, both his own and Jimmy’s. Thomas let out a bitter chuckle and then gasped as it turned to a sob. Lies. All of it lies. No one loved him. No one loved him and no one wanted him. 

Thomas was alone. 

~~~

“Mr. Barrow? If I could have a moment?” Philip called out seeing Thomas walking toward the dining room. The party was heading through to the drawing room but Philip veered away from them and not one of them questioned him wishing to talk to the Under Butler. Thomas thought he maybe saw Mary’s eyes dip in their direction but he couldn’t sure and hoped she was still feeling bored enough to keep her open mind. 

Thomas however wanted nothing to do with Philip. But he stopped and gave Philip a forced smile. Philip took his arm, rather brazenly and walked them into the library. A hand behind his neck he leant in to kiss Thomas. Thomas stepped away from the contact and averted his gaze. 

“Thomas?”

“You kissed him.” Thomas kept his voice a monotone, afraid to let the emotions show. 

Philip eyes widened but he nodded. “It was impulse.”

“An impulse?” Thomas repeated in shock. “To kiss someone who didn’t want it?”

“Oh, he wanted it.”

Thomas remembered that, he did but he wanted to deny it. “He told me.”

“Then why was I just accused… Oh, Thomas. It was nothing but me working on him. So he’ll tell you.”

“Tell me what, he wants you?”

“You. He wants you.”

Thomas laughed, it was all bitter and pain and to fend off the sob he felt in his throat. 

Philip put a hand on his cheek and forced Thomas to look him in the eye. “He’s figuring it out Thomas, he’s just still figuring it all out. Not all of us are certain — not like you. You were always certain who you were, it took me longer and Jimmy’s just become aware.”

“Aware.”

“That he wants men too.”

“Men,” Thomas shook his head. _Not me_.

“You most of all, my love.” Philip pulled him and kissed his cheek, his jaw and then his lips. Thomas felt hungry suddenly for the attention, but he told himself not believe the words just the affection. “It’ll work out, Thomas… I know it will. You will come tonight.”

Thomas sighed and a part of him wanted to say no. He was angry and now he was more confused than ever. He couldn’t process anything Jimmy had told him, not really and Philip’s version of events sounded mad. “Yes.”

Philip smiled and kissed him, Thomas leaned into it, his hand behind Philip’s neck, fingers in his hair. Philip pulled away and sighed. “I will miss you so when this ends. But tonight,” he bowed and walked away. 

~~~

Jimmy was losing his breath. He walked into the servants hall for the fourth time probably fifteen minutes. He looked around, he looked at everyone twice, despite knowing none of them were Thomas. 

“Jimmy, what is it?”

“I can’t find Mr. Barrow,” he said. 

“Did you check outside.”

“Of course I bloody checked outside.”

Anna eyes widened and Mr. Bates stood up. “Watch yourself.”

“I’m sorry, Anna, I am… I just can’t find him.”

“What is it? Maybe we can help?” Anna asked. 

Jimmy caught himself before he laughed in her face. “I just need him…” he blushed. “I mean it’s important I find him.”

“If we see him, we’ll tell him.”

Jimmy nodded and turned around. Where else could he look? He wasn’t downstairs, he wasn’t outside. Where might he go? Suddenly, something struck him and he made his way upstairs. He glanced around before he went up to the gallery and made his way toward the one room he might be able to find Thomas in. He let out a breath of relief when he saw Thomas in the nursery, Sybbie on his lap, reading a story. The nanny was sitting on a chair, reading her own book, probably happy for the break as George was sleeping.. 

“Thomas…” he said, forgetting the nanny was there.

Thomas stopped reading, Sybbie was asleep in his arms so she didn’t object. He looked at Jimmy and his mouth quirk for split second before his expression became guarded. He stood up and put toddler into her crib. “Thank you, for letting me read to her,” he said softly to the nanny.

“She enjoys it Mr. Barrow,” the woman said. 

Thomas walked out of the room and past Jimmy. Jimmy followed him. “Thomas?”

Thomas opened a door to unused room and walked inside. Jimmy let out a sigh of relieve and followed him into the room. Thomas closed the door and then stood there and just stared at Jimmy. 

“It meant…” Jimmy sighed. The kiss hadn’t meant nothing. Philip meant nothing. “I don’t like him. At all really….” He trailed off realizing his feeling for Philip were rather mixed because he was so mixed up by everything that happened because of Philip. 

“He claims the same.”

“Good,” Jimmy nodded. “He’s right.”

Thomas expression shifted to something vulnerable. “He has these delusions about you…”

“He seemed to know something before I did,” Jimmy admits.

“What’s that?” 

“I like men.”

Thomas looked away from Jimmy. “You understand that it’s hard to hear that.”

 _Shit. He’s hurt._ Guilt hit Jimmy hard, harder even than when Thomas got himself beaten on his behalf. He stepped forward and grabbed Thomas by his shoulders. “I never… I wish I could make up for what I did before. I never should let her wind me up. But she’s no excuse, she’s not. But Thomas… I just didn’t realize it. Not until now.”

“Until Philip.”

“Yes….No.”

Thomas stared at him. 

“You and Philip… no, you. You, Thomas.”

Thomas tried to shrug out Jimmy’s grip but Jimmy held on tighter and pulled Thomas closer. “When I saw you two, by the backdoor, in the hall… It was like I was slapped with perception…” Jimmy trailed off. “I couldn’t stop thinking about… It.” _You_. Jimmy let out frustrated breath why couldn’t say it, why couldn’t he just tell him. “Thomas, it’s not Philip.”

Thomas looked at him and his guard dropped. “You must be confused.”

Jimmy laughed. “Completely but not at the same time.”

“I’m sorry, Jimmy. I should be here, for you. I can try to do that. Put you first.”

Jimmy squeezed Thomas’ shoulders. “When have you not?”

Thomas shook his head. “Maybe you have a wrong impression of me…”

“No. I have the right one,” Jimmy said. 

“We shouldn’t be in here,” Thomas shrugged out of Jimmy’s hold but he stayed close. “May I… when I leave Philip may I knock on your door?”

Philip and Thomas. Jealousy spiked through Jimmy again and he clenched his jaw. But he wanted what Thomas was asking. He wanted it badly. “Yes, yes, of course.”

Thomas nodded and his hand came up and he touched Jimmy’s chest. Jimmy lost his breath, Thomas’ palm was heavy and warm. “We’ll work out your confusion.”

Jimmy nodded and thought that wasn’t what he wanted to do at all. 

~~~

Philip was writing when Jimmy walked into his room. He was also already in his dressing gown. Jimmy sighed because if he was meant to valet he wanted too. He needed the experience. He laughed at himself, valeting for the Duke of Crowborough was full of new experience. 

“You told him?” Philip said placidly. 

“I did. To my surprise,” Jimmy said, standing unsure what to do. 

“He was upset.”

Jimmy sighed. “I fouled it up.”

Philip stood up then and pinned Jimmy with his eyes. “Learn not to.”

“We talked.”

“And what did you tell him?”

“That it wasn’t what he thought.”

Philip nodded. “But what was it to you? Our kiss?”

Jimmy looked away, his face flushed. “It was… a slap of reality.”

Philip walked over to him and took his hands. “Look at me, Jimmy.”

Jimmy looked up. 

“I love him.”

Jimmy nodded. He believed it.

“I want him.”

“I know.”

“I could have him, I could finesse it, find a way.”

Jimmy felt himself harden. “No.”

Philip laughed in his face. “Yes. Yes, I could. Can.”

“You won’t.”

“Won’t I? I want him to mine. I’ll tell him. Tell him till he believes me.”

Jimmy pulled his hands out of Philips. “He doesn’t want you.”

“Doesn’t he? He’s been here every night. He’ll be here in a few minutes.”

“That’s only because…”

“What?”

“He doesn’t know he can have me. He loves ME.”

“You vain child… you love that don’t you. He loves you. Dotes on you. Pines for you. You enjoy it feeding your ego.”

Jimmy huffed. “So what if I’m flattered.”

“Is that all it is? Flattery? Kept Thomas around to enjoy knowing he’ll do anything for you. Take advantage of it?”

“What? No, I’ve taken advantage of it… He’s important. He’s my friend and he’s…”

“He’s what Jimmy? Beautiful? Clever? Brave?”

“Yes.”

“Yes, yes, he is… we’re the only ones who see it. He doesn’t see it… I want him to see it. I’d do anything for him to…. Including letting him go. If I could just be sure he was safe. With you.”

“Why wouldn’t he be?”

“Jimmy you kept avoiding it.”

Jimmy closed his eyes. “I’ll keep him safe.”

“But will you tell him he’s loved!”

Jimmy staggered back and he looked away. His heart was in his ears, throat, and hurting his chest. He looked back a Philip. “I… can’t tell him, I don’t know why.”

Philip sighed and turned looking defeated. “I made him a promise. I do hope I get to keep it.”

Jimmy was about to ask what that meant when Thomas knocked on the door and walked in. Jimmy turned and had the fleeting thought of grabbing Thomas’ and walking them both out of the door. But did he have that right? 

Thomas met his eyes and then looked away. Jimmy stepped toward him but stopped short. Their gazes met again. Thomas’ lips quirked and Jimmy reached out and touched his arm. “Later,” he whispered. 

Thomas nodded. 

Jimmy forced himself to leave the room. Out in the hall he sighed and wished he’d stayed. 

~~~

Thomas turned his eyes following Jimmy out the door. The the air in the room had a different tension from what he’d walked in on the other night. He was glad for it and worried about it. Everything lately felt so flipped around. He looked at Philip and knew he was the reason. 

“What is it?” Philip asked closing the space between them. 

“Did you…” Thomas couldn’t finish the question and he wasn’t sure what his reaction would be. He was jealous of Philip, he’d kissed Jimmy and it made no sense. He was the one sleeping with the man. 

“No… I won’t, not again. It wasn’t romance, Thomas.”

“Then what was it, manipulation?”

“Of course.”

Thomas stepped away from Philip and walked over to the window. Looked out a darkness, it was just night, couldn’t even tell the weather. Though he recalled it was cold. “He’s been manipulated before.”

“He told me.”

Thomas spun around. “What?”

“Kissing him while he slept? Really Thomas?”

Thomas closed his eyes, he could never explain and he didn’t feel the need to, not with Philip. “I was manipulated but it’s no excuse.”

“This isn’t that kind of manipulation, Thomas.”

“You got in his head, messed with it… he’s confused.”

“Not really, he’s not as confused as he’s pretending.” Philip came up behind him and reached around and started undo Thomas’ bowtie. 

Thomas leaned back into him a mix of habit and instinct. “I don’t want to hope.”

“You can’t stop yourself… You’re a romantic at heart, my love. You kissed your sleeping beauty and hoped for happily ever after.”

“I’m not that deluded.”

“But aren’t you?” Philip dropped the tie on the floor and started on the buttons.

“Just because he seems to think he likes men now…”

“Oh, he loves men, just as we do.”

Thomas shook his head and turned around. Philip put his hand on the back of his neck and leaned in touching their foreheads. “I might have overshot… he might not admit his feelings before I leave but he does love you Thomas.”

“No,” Thomas shook his head.

“He all but told me.”

Thomas felt his throat tighten. “Kisses you, tells you things… not me.”

“You aren’t seeing it right.”

“I’m jealous,” Thomas admitted.

“As am I, my love,” Philip kissed him, softly and chastely. “One more night?”

Thomas leaned forward and kissed him, pressing in and pushing his tongue into Philip’s mouth. “Yes…” _When will I get another chance at this, to be touched and touch._. “And we have another…”

“Shh…” Philip whispered as he dropped to his knees. “Focus on tonight.”

~~~

Jimmy walked out of his room the minute the Thomas stepped into the hallway. He motioned for Thomas to join him as he stepped back inside it. Thomas stopped by his door, just to throw what he wasn’t wearing into the room. He pulled down his vest a bit as walked toward Jimmy’s. He felt guilty, almost caught, to be coming from Philip and toward Jimmy. He rather it be the other away around, or he rather he just be with Jimmy. 

Always Jimmy. 

He wasn’t even sure what it was about Jimmy. But he loved him. Jimmy gotten under his skin like no man before him and Thomas was sure no other man would arrive to change it. Philip would’ve if it was something that could happen. He could settle for Philip — but that felt wrong. Thomas Barrow doesn’t settle…

Unless it’s friendship with Jimmy Kent, because he’ll take what he can get.

Walking into Jimmy’s room felt odd and made guilt rise. Jimmy was sitting on his bed and looked up at him with an odd expression. Thomas stepped up and stood before him, afraid to sit down. 

Jimmy rose up and grabbed his bad hand and brought it up. He hadn’t put his glove back on. Jimmy lifted it up and looked at it and Thomas wanted to pull it away. “Does he kiss it?”

“Yes,” Thomas breathed out. 

Jimmy lowered their hands but his thumb stroked the back of Thomas’ hand. “I’m more attracted to you.”

Thomas gasped and Jimmy smiled. “I am, Thomas.”

“Jimmy…” _Please don’t if you take it away, I can’t…_

“He told me he could have you — keep you.”

Thomas shook his head. 

“That he could, you’ve been his bed, all this time.”

“Only…” Thomas stopped himself again. 

Jimmy caught his gaze. “I know.”

Thomas heart felt ready to break. He pulled his hand free from Jimmy’s. “I have to go.”

Jimmy reached and grabbed him by his hand again. “I’m pushing too much, asking for too much patience.”

“I’d wait… if you wanted me too. Already am, always will.” 

“I do want you too.”

Thomas shook his head but he squeezed Jimmy’s hand before he let go. “Goodnight, Jimmy.”

~~~

Jimmy followed Thomas to the door, then leaned his head against as soon as it closed. He was a coward, always had been. He’d been horrible to Thomas for over year because he hadn’t want to deal with the situation, didn’t want to question the thoughts and things he carefully avoided admitting he had. He’d run at the fair. Watched Thomas getting pummeled and he ran and ran. It wasn’t until he saw Dr. Clarkson that he thought of getting help. 

“Take the step, Jimmy,” he told himself. Why was he holding back? He knew how Thomas felt. Thomas loved him. Thomas would wait for him. Thomas would put him first. Thomas would hurt for him. 

All that love. Jimmy swallowed. Maybe it was too much, too much… Could he love him back enough? He wasn’t that brave, Thomas was the brave one. Thomas deserved the love he gave back, maybe tenfold. 

Jimmy wiped sweaty palms on his pants. He made his way back to his bed. Heart pounding against his chest, every beat of it telling him he was terrified. He was loved so completely by someone like Thomas. 

~~~

Thomas leaned against his door. He was trembling. Jimmy words, his actions, they kept playing over and over. Holding his hand, looking into his eyes and asking. He had asked Thomas to wait? Hadn’t he? He felt hope. Hope burned. Thomas tried to pull away from it. But it burned bright. He shook his head. _I can’t… I can’t go there… I’ll fade away when the hope burns out._

~~~

Jimmy took Anna’s seat at breakfast. He pushed his leg against Thomas’ and pulled over the plate of toast and deposited some on Thomas’s plate before his own. He felt eyes on him but he only cared about the gray pair that he looked up into. 

“Morning,” he said. 

“Good morning, Jimmy.”

“I’ve been thinking,” Jimmy said casually. 

“Have you,” Thomas’ lips quirked. 

“Couldn’t sleep, so I stared at my ceiling and I thought.”

“You must be tired.”

Jimmy kicked Thomas’ shin but looked at him. Holding Thomas’ gaze until the point it felt like too much and then forced himself to stay. He was thankful Thomas didn’t look away, that his cool and sharp eyes never averted. Instead they studied and Jimmy thought maybe he saw hope in them. “I want to be clear.”

“Yes.”

“I am asking you to keep waiting,” he said lowly. 

Thomas swallowed hard. 

“And I know it’s unfair.”

“Jimmy…” Thomas shook his head.

“Stop saying no,” Jimmy hissed. “I’m asking, it’s real.”

Thomas went still but after a beat he nodded. 

“I know I ask for too much.”

“You don’t.”

Jimmy shook his head this time and he leaned away from Thomas, put his hand on his thigh and started to eat his breakfast. He felt Thomas tense, but slowly he relaxed and when Jimmy glanced over at him, he saw Thomas’ mouth was quirked up… in that almost smile that Jimmy coveted. 

~~~

Jimmy was surprised to find Philip fully dressed when he walked into room that night. He started to step toward him to do his actual job, but of course Philip stopped him. “None of that. I’ve made a decision.”

“Do tell,” Jimmy said sarcastically. 

“Tsk, tsk… do you not remember who I am.”

“Oh, I know who you are. Philip.” 

Philip grinned his toothy grin. “Feelings are one thing, it’s difficult. And I think I made a mistake… it’s all so new for you.”

Jimmy nodded because it was the truth. “And?”

“Thomas is very tactile, you know.”

Thomas barely touched Jimmy — until recently and even that was minimal and tentative. But that hadn’t always been true. All those stolen touches, hopeful touches, hungry touches. The kiss in the night. “I remember.”

“Yes. He took my affection because he’s starved for it. He’s truly so lonely.”

Jimmy swallowed.

“Physical attraction…. That was what I should’ve been pushing.”

“I don’t understand,” Jimmy said. 

Philip smiled all tooth again, and someone predatory. Jimmy shivered. And Thomas knocked on the door and came in, as if on cue and Jimmy looked at him and felt knocked over. He was stunning and he looked vulnerable. Jimmy wasn’t sure if it was Philip’s words or his new awareness but he craved to just touch Thomas. In anyway. Just touch him. 

“Jimmy, undress Thomas for me,” Philip announced. 

He spun to face Philip. “What?”

“Philip…” Thomas’ voice sounded choked.

Philip stepped forward and Jimmy watched him go over to Thomas. He touched Thomas’ face and smiled. “You look amazing right now, my love.”

 _No. Mine_ , Jimmy thought.

Philip took one of Thomas’ hands and then Jimmy’s and pulled them toward the bed. He then maneuvered them into facing each other and sat down on the bed. “Undress him for me, Jimmy.”

Jimmy looked into Thomas’ eyes and licked his lips. 

Thomas mirrored him, his lips quirked up for a brief moment. 

“Thomas?” He couldn’t do this without his permission.

Thomas nodded. 

Jimmy felt his breath catch as he reached out and started on the bowtie. His fingers hit Thomas’ skin and it was hot to the touch. Thomas’ pale skin was flushed pink and Jimmy felt a satisfaction that it was because of him. 

He pulled off the bowtie and made quick work of the collar. Jimmy grinned as the skin of Thomas’ neck was revealed. Fantasies of kissing it flashing to mind, he licked his lips again. He touched Thomas’s neck, he allowed his fingers to stroke the skin and Thomas’s lips parted. Jimmy stroked the side of his neck again, he leaned forward and Thomas seemed to move closer. 

“Do it,” Philip whispered. 

Both Thomas and he startled, their eyes glancing to the bed. Philip was watching them intently. “Do it,” he said again. 

Jimmy became acutely aware again of the skin of Thomas’ neck again under his fingers. He moved them again and stepped closer, leaning forward but he froze. His heart was pounding so loud, Thomas must be able to hear it. He looked from his hand on Thomas’s neck to his face. Thomas looked wide eyed and his lips were still parted. Jimmy needed him, he needed him… “Please.” He wasn’t sure if he said it or thought it but Thomas heard him.

Thomas’ hand was suddenly on his neck and he was pulling Jimmy closer. He moved in, following Thomas’ lead and their chests were touching and Thomas whispered into Jimmy’s ear. “Do it, my Prince.”

Jimmy let out breath, a moan, a sigh… he didn’t know. But he surged forward, something set free and pressed his mouth to Thomas’ neck. Thomas let out moan and titled his head back. Jimmy pressed kisses against his skin, tasting Thomas, just Thomas. His tongue licked against the skin and wrapped an arm around Thomas’s waist pulling him more flush against him. 

“Jimmy…” Thomas breathed out and his hand was in Jimmy’s hair, pushing his face into his neck. Jimmy continued on until he had pause, his emotions and arousal threatening to overwhelm and he buried his face in the crook of Thomas’ neck and pulled the other man into a firm hug. His hands stroked down his back and soon his lips pressed against his skin again. 

Thomas bent his head down against Jimmy’s shoulder, Jimmy felt his breath against him. Thomas nails scraped his scalp and his other hand wrapped around his waist. Pulling him closer, despite them being as close as they could get, standing up and fully clothed. 

Jimmy pulled back then, his heart in his throat. Thomas looked down at him, his hands gripping Jimmy’s hair and waist tight, like he was afraid Jimmy was going to pull away. “Not going anywhere…” Jimmy whispered, his eyes dipping to Thomas’ mouth and back to his eyes… Thomas’ eyes were bright, he was staring right at Jimmy, right into him Jimmy thought and he felt vulnerable but certain. He looked back at Thomas’ mouth and thought… please.

“You’re certain…” Thomas whispered and he sounded so hopeful yet afraid. 

“Always.”

It was all Thomas needed. His hands rose to Jimmy’s face and he lunged forward and pressed his mouth to Jimmy’s. Softly and almost afraid but Jimmy sighed and parted his lips. Thomas moaned and pressed more surely against him and they moved together. Jimmy got dizzy, quickly, it felt perfect and right and amazing. He grabbed the back of Thomas’ head and deepened it. He felt hungry for him, why had he waited so long… he didn’t want ever breath air again, he wasn’t sharing with Thomas. Like this, their bodies flushed and their tongues dancing. 

He whined when Thomas broke away but he needn’t have because Thomas was right back on him, hands around his waist, pulling Jimmy into him, nudging his leg between Jimmy’s… pushing their hips together. Jimmy felt Thomas erection against him, through their pants and he moaned and instinctively rocked against him. 

Thomas moaned into Jimmy’s mouth. “Mine…” he whispered, pulling away his hands pulling at Jimmy’s bowtie. Jimmy started pulling at his own clothes, he was far too dressed. Then he looked at Thomas and he had a head start but not enough. 

There was a cough. 

They both stilled. 

“I’m going to… um,” Philip stood up. “Lurk around the Abbey. Please use the bed.”

Jimmy stared at him and realized in a way he really loved Philip. He truly did. Despite the awkwardness, despite the craziness, because it’d led to this. 

“Philip…” Thomas was pulling away, but he’d wrapped his good hand tightly around Jimmy’s hand. “I…”

Philip put up his hands. “My plan worked perfectly — maybe too perfectly.” He smiled at Thomas but it was sad but Jimmy couldn’t bring himself to feel guilty. 

“Thank you,” Thomas said. 

Philip bowed, turned and left the bedroom. 

Thomas pulled Jimmy into him. “That was awkward.”

“It was of his own making,” Jimmy pointed out.

“We’ll thank him…somehow.”

“Not now…” Jimmy leaned up and kissed Thomas. 

Thomas kissed him back and pushed him onto the bed, moving over him, he put his hand on the bed and looked down at Jimmy. “You….”

“Love you,” Jimmy whispered. 

Thomas mouth quirked up and up and he smiled. Wide and bright and Thomas had dimples. Jimmy grabbed his face and stared at the smile. The truest smile Thomas had. “My smile…” he whispered into Thomas mouth. “Mine.”


End file.
